I should probably be more diligent about updating this blog, but the truth is sometimes I worry that what I have to say is meaningless and nonsensical. This shouldn’t stop my endeavors, but alas it has.
As a teenager I loved to write. I spent all my spare time writing and planning all the novels I wanted to publish with little regard to the feasibility or likelihood of that happening. I did it for the pure joy of being lost in words that I had strung together in a unique structure.
Then I grew up and life happened and writer’s block came with it. One day I just couldn’t write anymore because I wondered how it was that I thought I could write about things I had no experience with. To this day, that plagues me. Maybe it was college that took my love of creative writing and tore it to pieces. Maybe it was working multiple jobs and doing homework and becoming even more disillusioned with the nature of our world.
The validity of what I had to say seemed empty and non-existent.
I hadn’t seen enough of the world, experienced enough of the world, so why should I be able to pen my thoughts out? Obviously, books like Twilight exist so that notion of mine isn’t true for everyone (sadly).
Now I’m nearing the age of 30; close to three decades on this planet and what do I have to say? I can say that I’ve experienced heartbreak, fear, love, awe, joy, and so many other things. My life is just as valid as the next person, and yet I still let my own harsh judgement of ‘where I should be as compared to the next person’ guide me to some degree. Comparison is the devil, it really is.
So this is the new year and with big changes ahead for my life I will vow to give myself a little bit more love and respect than I have in the past. I vow to try to give myself the benefit of the doubt, and to not feel like it’s all my fault or other maudlin bullshit.
I will vow to be as content as I can be and to live in the moment. To be mindful, especially in the face of fear and the unknown. To not judge myself so harshly or others.
So this is the new year and my resolution, albeit late, is to be a better version of myself.
Peace love and plants