The abundance of #MeToo posts on social media over the past few days has been overwhelming and made me think about events and circumstances in my life that I’d really like to forget. I’m always made to think “well it could have been worse” instead of having been validated that it was real and awful to go through. I acknowledge that yes it could have been worse, of course, but that does not invalidate the trauma that I have experienced, and I am trying to own that.
Me too. Being made to feel that having my feelings and my body exploited is not worthy of being trauma because it wasn’t as bad as someone else.
Me too. Being catcalled, whistled, grabbed and shamed for 18 years.
Me too. Watching another friend trying to deal with the aftermath of being assaulted and wishing so much that I could go back in time and stop it from happening.
Me too. Being told that I should expect that sort of behavior because I am a female and my sweatpants and over-sized t-shirt/ shorts and tank top/ leggings and hoodie/ skirt and sweater/ etc. was “asking for it.”
Me too. The times I was harassed after ending a date with a handshake and a smile, and the times I tried to turn it into a “funny story” after it happened to deal with the fear.
Me too. When I was told “it’s only a kiss,” after sharing my disinterest in continuing the evening.
Me too. The times I expressed my potential interest in a partner and when I didn’t quickly succumb to their whims/desires/insecurities, immediately shamed and trashed. I had friendships disintegrate over this. The worst is when it isn’t an anonymous stranger, but someone you know and trust. Someone you’ve laughed with over frozen yogurt or beers, someone you’ve shared secrets with and attempted to stand strong for/with as their suicidal ideation got the best of them time and time again.
The times I wasn’t 100% sure how I felt and expressed my feelings and my hesitation, and was pushed for an answer and then shamed- telling me how much of a shitty person I was for “toying” with them.
I hope we can all heal from these traumas and are left with scar tissue instead of open wounds.
You are not alone.